Overshare

With one full month into the New Year, so much is going on I thought I'd take a moment to share.

I'm running the 2013 NY marathon. *gasps* There's an opportunity for me to gain automatic entry as long I complete 4 not so simple steps. Well, I completed step 1 the end of last month and I'm training for step 2. This is going to take some dedication, but I'm up for the challenge. At some point I'll even join a team or find a partner.

I've officially started the job hunt. I don't remember it being this difficult before but man, I'm having a hard time even getting an interview. I'm not too worried about it thought. Things always work out the way they are suppose to. So I'll just keep doing my part to make sure I'm gainfully employed.

I will travel abroad before I leave NYU. Not exactly sure if it will be this summer, next winter or next summer. It all depends on finances but my goal is to spend at least 3 weeks or so in another country. Soaking up culture and packing on the pounds. I've heard studying abroad is an excuse to gain an excessive amount of weight and I'm all for it. Kidding.

Last but not least, what kind of serial dater would I be if I didn't include any updates on my serial dating.

I've known two things for a while and I stick to them to this day.

1. Actions speak louder than words.

2. Words are just as important as actions.

Life is especially interesting when you're dating two people who are extremely good aIt one but not the other.

One guy I was seeing, term used loosely, was able to vocalize exactly what he wanted from me and how he saw a future. Unfortunately, his actions were not lining up with those beautiful words. Eventually I stopped caring and he stopped pursuing.

The other showed me a great deal about how he felt in his actions, but just couldn't vocalize much else. Towards the end his actions were no longer present. Without words or actions, there isn't much of anything to work with.

With a bruised ego and hurt feelings, I maintain that it just wasn't in the cards with either. They weren't into me enough and I'm not the type to force anything with anyone. Even though I don't need 100% efficiency on both actions and words, I don't give credit when there's no effort. In the end, I'm still a hopeless romantic. No bitterness or ill will can be found here. Ultimately, I know He has a plan for me. Whatever shall be shall be.

First Day Jitters

Today was the first day of the new semester for my Master's program. I was both excited and scared to begin my second semester. Unlike how most of my classmates feel, the winter break was long enough for me. I didn't have the desire to spend one more day in my apartment being unproductive. Granted, I was working on my resume and cover letter because you know I need a job right. (If you know anyone hiring, let me know!!!!) But other than that, I spent too much time thinking about things that I can't change. And since pondering on life's little mysteries won't help me get ahead in my program, I was happy to return to my passion.

During my train ride to campus this morning, I felt like a seasoned vet, just pass me the 2nd quarter ending shot and swoooosh!! Sorry, that wasn't the best basketball analogy but you get the point. I had been through one semester of graduate school so I felt prepared to close out my first year strong.

One of the main things I learned was NOT to buy all my books before the semester began. Instead I make sure to do the following before heading to Amazon:

1. Sit in at least one class to decide whether or not I was even going to stay enrolled. Last year I bought all my books before school started but ended up switching one of my classes before the second week. I was stuck with a books totaling $100 to return.

2. Read over the syllabus to see how much the "required" book in question is going to actually be used. Last semester I spent almost $500 on books I didn't even really use. Imagine how much I fumed by the end of the semester. I WAS HOT!!! I'm happy to report I spent a little over $200 this year. *pats self on the back*

I also learned that I don't necessarily need to do ALL of the readings for each class. It took several weeks last semester last year for me to figure this out. Of course at ** thousand dollars a year, I want to get as much out of my program as possible but there is no way I'm going to spend all of my free time reading material that doesn't pertain to a paper I'm working on or a subject I'm interested in.

Welp, one week down, fourteen to go. I'm praying that I don't repeat mistakes made last semester. So far, so good.

A Promise to Myself

Sometimes I writing things down in order to hold myself accountable. Next week is the beginning of my second semester in grad school. (PHEW!!!!) This is a chance for me to make changes and learn from mistakes made last year. Especially in regards to lessons I learned long ago that unfortunately, I ignored during my first semester. The grades I received during this grading period were decent. Actually, they were better than decent. I haven't had a G.P.A. this high since high school to be honest. But truth be told, I could have done better. I can always do better and I plan on doing better.

Its funny how we all learn from a very young age that there is a lesson to learn in every situation. If we are smart, we do our best not to make those same mistakes again. Especially in such short succession. Well, as humans, we aren't perfect. Shit I'm nowhere near perfect but I'm always willing to learn. I plan on using the rest of this winter break to detail everything I did wrong last semester in an effort to not make some of my same poor decisions again.

Only time will tell if I stick to these declarations. I believe that I will. I'll be praying on it for the next several months.

I make this promise to myself every year: This year will be better than the last.

Why He's My Everything

Recently I had a close friend comment on the amount of time I spend talking about him, sharing pictures of him and letting him control the majority of conversation at times. But for me its simple math, he is the most important addition to my family in years.

Since my mothers untimely passing, I feel like those around me who matter most have passed in large numbers. I've been to so many funerals in the past several years I've started to unconsciously loose count. Looking at the lifeless body of someone you've cared for your entire life hurts more than anything I've ever experienced. I don't wish the amount of tears shed over death on my worst enemy. These deaths have caused rifts throughout the rest of my remaining living family and has caused my sisters sand I to grow even closer.

We were the three musketeers.

Last year, I experienced something I'll never forget: the birth of someone related to me by blood. As much as I consider some of my friends family, knowing the this being had the same blood pumping through his vein created a love I can't fully express.

When my sister told me she was pregnant, I was overcome with excitement and overall shock. My sister had been with her guy for over a decade without ever mentioning having children. Once she told me she was pregnant, I could tell our family would be changed forever. This was not only her pregnancy, my sisters and I were all in this together. Throughout her pregnancy we discussed what we would name him, how we would dress him and love him unconditionally.

Unfortunately, right before he was born, I boarded a plane to NY. I made sure to visit my nephew shortly after his birth and had the pleasure of being with him again during my Christmas vacation.

Even though I'm not there with him everyday, my nephew is my world. I will continue to let him control the majority of my thoughts. Along with my sisters, he is my inspiration for all that I will accomplish during my stint in NY. I have no idea where I'll end up, but I will continue to pull from them for encouragement.

I hope you understand, my family is small, so this addition in my life in the form of a 4 month old baby is huge. So sorry friends, I will continue to talk about my munchkin poo.

He is my little love.

My blood.

My everything.

The Best Christmas Present Ever!!

Santa Claus came early for me this year, in the form of a plane ticket home from the holidays. When I tell people I have the best friends in the world, I can use this as another prime example. Not only have they supported me through out the years as I made decisions that ranged from "Go head girl" to "Silent what?!! Why?!!!" Even with these indiscretions, they've always stood by and encouraged me through it all. I can only pray that the same can be same for me as a friend.

This week I got a call from one of these friends, informing me of the great news. Apparently, for the past couple weeks, unbeknownst to me, my friends were getting ready to change my outlook on Christmas 2011. I had it all planned out, I was going to spend this holiday in the City celebrating the end of my first semester of school with friends who were in town. Maybe I'd cook, go to a parade or just sleep. The details hadn't been finalized but all I knew was that I would be here in NYC. As these thoughts were going through my head, my friends in LA had started email and text message chains gathering money for a plane ticket for little ol me.

My first reaction to the news was silence. I was so shocked I couldn't form a sentence. Anyone who knows me, know that being at a loss for words is hard to come by these days. I then burst into uncontrollable tears. Imagine my tall behind in a quiet library attempting to cry silently. Yeah, Silent Scorpion was not that silent. I am so touched by the generosity, love and support from friends who I see as family. I'd like to thank each one of them from the bottom of my heart. And trust me I will, at some point during my time home, I'm hosting a holiday celebration. AKA I will be at a bar and you will be invited.

Merry Christmas everyone! I'm 22 days early I know but I can't help it, I'm ecstatic!

I'll see you soon LA.

XOXOXO

Ps. Please don't ask me when I got so sappy. Blame the NY air.

Another year wiser

It's that time of the year folks and unlike last year, I'm not wishing for Vitamin D this birthday. Now while it would be great, its not in the forefront of my thoughts.

Do you really want to know what I want for my birthday? Of course you do well get your check books ready. This year I don't want a damn thing for my 27th birthday.

Now if you already got me something, I don't want to hurt your feelings by rejecting your gesture, so I'll take the gift if you insist. However, I already got the biggest present I could possibly think of and that was my acceptance letter to NYU. Everything else this year seems so small in comparison. The admission to grad school had a Domino affect on the every avenue of my life.

1. I got rid of every last straggler I was dating/not dating/semi dating. The truth is that if I would have stayed in LA, I would have continued to allow myself to participate in the same song and dance with so many exes. It was a broken record I continued to play like some crazy person. No MAS! Now that I'm in New York, I'm more honest with myself about the men I surround myself. This time my eyes AND ears are open. There will be no repetition of my LA bad habits. I keep my 'deuces' tucked tightly in my wallet and I aint afraid to flash them.

2. I'm working towards a career not just a job. In LA I was making damn good money with my former company. I had everything a 20 something year old could think of. When I graduated from UCLA, there was a list of material things I said I should have by 25. I got them. A car, apartment, a nice amount of disposable income, clothes, a stamped passport and the ability to travel several times a year. Hold up wait, why did I move here again? Oh yeah I was unfufilled. Those things were great to have BUT I was still missing something. Fast forward to this year and I'm a poor graduate student. I'm 100% sure I made the right decision, I feel like this is where I'm suppose to be.

3. My opinion is numero uno. While I respect my friends and their opinions, I DO NOT let them heavily influence my decision making anymore. This all started with my first change of keeping a lot to myself. Now its catapulted itself into more alone time. I'm happiest when I'm in my studio lost in my own thoughts. I am my own psychologist from this point on. This way I get to save my daytime minutes and remove any possibility of a scapegoat. If I make the wrong decision, I quickly apprehend my damn self.

4. I spend less time on social media, gossip sites and anything related. This might be the most shocking of them all, including myself. This Wednesday I experienced something in threes and while I don't normally believe in signs, I took this as one. I was watching True Life and the topic was textaholics. Mind you I was in the middle of a major textersation while watching the episode. I had just finished talking to someone else that week about how much they use their phone. Hi, my name is POT and I just called the kettle black. Then I was reading a post about how a group of friends decided to take a break from social media, gossip sites and instant messaging for a week. I thought hey, maybe I should try that. So ever since this past Wednesday I have not opened my Facebook, checked my twitter feed, instant messaged on my computer (BBM is my only exception), read a gossip site or opened my Google Reader. You know what its not that bad. I'm going to keep this up til my birthday and hopefully I'll have taught myself to put my phone and laptop down a bit more and enjoy my surroundings.

I'm sure there are more but these are just some of the key points. Its time for me to run and enjoy some more of NY. Talib Kweli concert here I come!

Happy Birthday to me!

"I don't want you to marry me!"

This video is hilarious.

click the link because I'm too lazy to embed the code

Youtube Link

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Boy: I don't want to marry you!

Girl: I'm gonna marry you.

Boy: NO!

Girl: Yes

Boy: NOOOO!!!

Girl: You're gonna marry me!

Boy: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's so funny how calm the girl is no matter how irate the little boy becomes. She is resolute in her decision to marry him. (Even though he does not feel the same way). She even threatens to revoke his visitation privileges if he does not oblige.

Ladies and little girls, you can't force a man to do what he has already decided he doesn't want to do.

Relax.